Attractive variant for a charming woman

Elena Temicheva

We are philosophers. We think in aphorisms, we create them in our imagination, realize them in actions – whatever. Like a perpetuum mobile, we synthesize truths (everyday, up-to-the-moment ones). In any field. In the context of any problem. It is called "worldly wisdom". The bounds of private life do not stop us – we are philosophers without bounds. Programmers of our own destiny. Remember – "don’t be born pretty, be born active", Nad’ka Klyueva was instructed by a "crocodile with a Mona Lisa’s smile". Overheard in street chats, in remarks of friends and acquaintances: "better have a good husband than a hundred friends", "to get anywhere you must first get married". Here is that very public opinion, the type of a lucky person, namely a woman, wanted by the society. After knocking their heads against this brick wall of tradition and hearing the friends’ point for the thousandth time ("isn’t it time yet..?") the most devoted man-haters (by the way, most of them have become thus due to an unlucky attempt to marry) begin to think of acquiring an official life partner. And some of them have that typical Russian "swing" to decide that if they are to get ringed, better get the most out of it, in spite of all these friends casting side glances, and marry a foreigner! Of course, sometimes this decision is fostered from childhood, or exists as an aim since school years, or logically arises out of true love, or appears when one is desperate to marry, but has no luck with countrymen and has no more persistence left. In all cases it is a serious step. Before doing it one should reflect upon the existing practice of such marriages, have a wider look at the problem, with all the continents included. So, "a Russian woman wishes to marry a foreigner…" There is such a term as "marital market". In a global sense they can be divided into "male" and "female". Male "markets" include Yugoslavia, Israel, Germany, Syria, USA. As a rule, the overbalance of men in these countries can be explained by massive immigration. Russia is a typical "market of brides". Here are other female marriage markets: Poland, Ukraine, Canada.

So what makes our countrywomen join the rows of aspirants? Of course, love is still in the lists (thank God!). According to the expert studies, it is one of the most common reasons. Though surprisingly love seems to appear only after the prospective husband sends a filled-in questionnaire with his income stated, and not directly after the woman sees his face on a picture. Another of the prevalent reasons is a wish to create a family: in this case the foreign bridegroom is most meticulous in his choice. Sometimes Russian women are moved by a wish to explore the world, change their life conditions (household, climatic, political and many others). To put it short, they would like to emigrate.

One should admit that for Russian citizens emigration is associated with a row of tiresome procedures requiring time, patience and communication skills, as well as considerable sums of money. And besides that there are obvious conditions of emigration, like a good profession, relatives in the country of immigration, funds to open one’s own business or invest in the economy of the state and much more. It is also important what the status of your immigration is: a solid businessman or a laborer, a refugee or a family member. Immigrating as a wife is not bad at all, it means high status and good income! The only problem (of course, it we don’t speak of the real feeling) is that you can have to sweat your guts out to express your gratitude to the husband for a brand-new blue (or green) passport. It happened that way with a woman I know who married a Czech and left for Prague. Very soon she realized that she was taken as a maid, an uncomplaining concubine and God knows what else. Her claims to respect were met by the husband with sincere amazement: is it not enough for you that I brought you here? When the woman filed for divorce, her billed her for quite a serious sum: wedding expenses, processing of the documents, and so on (down to the flowers bought for the first dates). I would like to believe that this story is an exception. But beware, beware of the reputation won by Russian women!

Thanks to writers and painters, Russian as well as foreign! No way can we overcome the stereotype of the Russian Wife. If one takes seriously all that was written and told of us without making an allowance for artistic imagination or time, one would expect to see men waiting in lines on the state border to marry Russian women. If a foreign bachelor has his wits, he must not even look at all those Americans (feminists all though, no thanks!) and French women (will probably collect handsome lovers along with elegant hats in spite of being married), as well as the English (these ones will make one sick with the love of order and good manners). But Russians are a treasure! Beautiful, industrious, can bear the whole family on their shoulders, to tell nothing of their known capabilities in critical circumstances (like a burning izba). Strangely, all this buncombe is still working. The question is, ON us or AGAINST us.

The foreigners who live in Russia for a long time, study or work here are the most part of men choosing Russian wives. It is quite reasonable. The more touchy situation arises when a man comes on a business trip and marries "along the way". Somehow it looks offensive. But let’s look at the matter from the other side. A marriage with a foreign woman after a short acquaintance – it is quick, practical and most of all, prestigious! In the West being single is almost similar to unloyalty. That is why Russian women are readily taken by foreigners in spite of the presence of children, numerous relatives and several divorces. As for children, sometimes they are even welcome if the bridegroom is not at his youngest age.

Another question is: where our girls head, or, better, where they are taken. The geography of marriages is very wide – from European countries and America to Mongolia, South Africa and Zambia. No one is disturbed by the different "color array" anymore. The priority belongs to the distance from Russia: it should be not too far for easy visits home, calling relatives, contacting friends. In this sense Europe is preferable, of course.

At the same time one must not forget such thing as mentality, meaning character, habits, traditions typical for a community, namely, a nation. The Russian mentality is well compatible with French mentality, for example. The other thing is, they have more than enough French women there. But it is practically incompatible with the mentality of Northern nations, such as Swedes or Norwegians, though these countries do not lack potential husbands. In the Scandinavian countries international marriages have been practiced for rather a long time already. There is an abundance of immigrants in Sweden – Arabs, Pakistani, Chinese, Poles, Ethiopians, Greeks, Russians. It is a result of the policy of the open borders that was actively followed in Sweden in the 70-s because of the underpopulation. But a Russian woman should not rush to marry a Swede.

The fact is, Swedish culture is family culture. For calm and unsociable Swedes home takes the first place in their souls. The house is their toy. And calmness may sometimes look as indifference and even coldness. "Calm, keep calm" – as Karlsson used to say. By the way, this character of Astrid Lindgren’s books is not respected much in his "motherland", he is too adventurous and mischievous for good Swedes. On the other hand, Peppy Longstocking is a national hero – an industrious girl, helps her father. I hope you get the general idea of what I am saying.

The marriages of our girls and the Swedes are often a disaster. It is hard to get accustomed to northern character. No guests, no loud parties. Well, they do drink, but not in the Russian hearty way, preferably in private and better not at home, but in a pub. Here is one of the lucid examples of incompatible mentalities.

One woman who had recently married a Swede was invited to a housewarming party by her new sister-in-law. Of course, she rushed out to buy a present at once. After a long search she chose a beautiful set of pricey curtains. All the way to the party the husband was begging her not to give the present. Later the woman understood why.

In a new apartment there was a table with just two dishes – one with vegetables, another with sandwiches. That was all. When all the guests came, they were thanked for their attention and invited to the table. No one mentioned presents. What followed next could be never understood by us Russians. Each of the invited guests took out his bottle, poured himself a drink, had a sandwich and bowed out. It all looked like an official opening ceremony for the press. Our countrywoman was shocked by such a housewarming party. It was probable not the only thing that horrified her – she divorced her Swedish husband a year later.

The temptation to marry a foreigner is strong, all the more so with the today’s variety of choice. Here is the text of a real advertisement in the press: "An agency invites young women who would like to marry Americans. The knowledge of English is preferable but not essential. One child is not in the way. No prepay, no charge! All expenses borne by the bridegrooms!" So if you want to marry a foreigner, come on! Only don’t forget the philosophy of life and keep the Russian worldly wisdom in mind: "It’s not a trouble to get married, it’s a disaster that follows!"