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‘Effective Anti-rapist
Measures’
seldom help, psychologists claim
Elena Chernomazova
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We do not have to turn to criminal reports to recognize that the
world we live in is the world of violence and rape. Most women can easily
recall an episode or two when they were at peril of being raped. At least,
I had listened to many stories of this sort, and at some moment it occurred
to me that I might as well bring these anonymous stories to a psychologist
and learn some useful lessons from it. So I turned to Marina Mironova,
psychologist of Sisters Crisis Center.
Q. Who are your clients? Are they women and girls who was lucky
to escape offenders? Or persons who were actually raped?
M.M. Either of them. Women often call us after some attempts
to rape them, or after some other form of violence has taken place.
Q. And do you treat them as if they were actually raped?
M.M. Yes, of course. They are all victims of violent
offense, and it doesn’t make much difference that they were not raped in
the sense of being forced to sexual intercourse. Even if she is lucky to
escape the worse, a woman experiences terrible mental shock, though it
usually doesn’t last so long as when she is actually raped. Besides the
shock, violence produces multiple impact in her feelings: helplessness
in face of the offender, fear of possible recurrence, trauma of being betrayed
by those she loves, and sometimes guilt.
Q. Why does it happen? Is there something in victim’s behavior
to provoke potential rapist?
M.M. To my opinion, most cases happen by mere chance;
it has to do with misfortune rather than behavior. To calculate all probabilities
present in any situation is beyond human power. The only perfect warranty
against rape is not going outdoors at all. You can’t predict an attack.
It may happen any moment: in a car, in friends’ company, out in the street...
And the common belief that victims of rapists first provoke them is profoundly
wrong. It is always an offender who initiates an incident. Moreover, most
violent rapes are thoroughly planned beforehand. Women who fall victim
to rapists are of diverse age; and it may happen at any time, any place.
It doesn’t matter how you are dressed, are you beautiful or ugly, playful
or reserved. An offender does not choose the victim; he chooses circumstances.
He relies on his victim’s inability to fight back, her helpless and unprotected
state to avoid punishment.
A ride with a truck driver
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It was last year. I was on my way home
from a neighbor town and suddenly it started to rain badly. Then a truck
stopped and the driver asked me, did I want a lift. He looked all right,
not at all like a villain, and I was all soaked with that rain. So I said,
yes. All the way we chattered, nothing special. And when I wanted to get
off, he wouldn’t stop the truck. ‘Let’s go ot somewhere and have a good
time,’ he said. I said, ‘Stop the car! I’m not going with you!’ Then he
began to speed up. We were already out of town when he suddenly asked me,
‘Which way now?’ All at once I understood that he was a stranger in this
place. And I told him to turn, so we’d have to cross a railroad. Just as
I hoped, at the crossing he had to slow down his truck, and had no problems
opening the door and jumping off. And then I felt so smart and brave, so
I showed him a fig and called him some names I wouldn’trepeat here.
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***
M.M. A rapist always acts to some prearranged scheme.
Once the situation has evolved to some different scenario, the offender
usually gives up his attempts. That is what happened in this case. The
woman disarranged driver’s plan, and he simply did not know how to react.
Q. And what about the driver? At first, he looked and behaved
normally, and, probably, he had family, job...
M.M. Usually, rapists are very common men. All these
fabulous ‘hypersexual maniacs’ are fruits of either fiction or exaggeration.
In fact, hardly 1% of rapists are mentally ill. By the way, another common
delusion is that rapists are sexually unsatisfied persons. Most of them
have wives or regular partners to satisfy their sexual desires. Remember:
violent rape comes not from the sexual in a man; it comes from his desire
to show and enjoy his power, to subdue and humiliate another individual.
Those who commit sexual crimes always have serious psychological problems
arising from their failure in some other areas.
A handkerchief
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It happened many years ago, in the Caucasus.
Late at night, I had to go back home. I stood at the bus stop, but it seemed
that next bus would come in the morning, so I hoped for someone to give
me a lift. It was dark all around, except for one lamp by the bus stop.
All of a sudden, I felt his arm on my neck from behind, and next he was
pulling me towards roadside bushes. He must have blown me on my nose, as
I felt it was bleeding. In the bushes he threw me on the ground, but somehow
I was not scared at all. The first thing I said was:
‘Do you have a hankie?’
‘What?’ he said.
‘Look, you smashed my nose. Give me a handkerchief.’
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He looked surprised, yet he began rummaging through his pockets
and finally fished out some filthy hankie and gave it to me.
‘And my blouse’, said I, ‘Look what you’ve done: it’s in blood all
over.’
‘I’m sorry... Does it hurt?’
‘Be sure! Wish it were you in my place...’
And next an old lady happened by, heard the noise we made, and stopped
to listen. Then she called:
‘Hey, miss, just let me know, are you over there with him on your
own or not?’
He tried to keep my mouth shut and hissed:
‘Not a word or you get killed!’
‘No, mam! He forced me! Help!’ I shouted back.
The old lady came over, lectured him, and he was gone. In the Caucasus,
they have an ancient tradition to respect elders. So I spent the rest of
the night at old lady’s guest, and in the morning I went home.
***
M.M. She was lucky, I must admit. In other circumstances,
she’d never escaped the rape. Most of all criminals are afraid of unexpected
witnesses. However, she was smart enough to win some time with that handkerchief
trick. Unfortunately, seeking human contact rarely helps. When a criminal
attacks a woman he’s never seen before, he usually holds it in his mind
that she may try to fight him, or to apply to humane in him, or to cheat
him, to lie that she has some STD... So it is naive to expect him to react
to such tricks.
‘Get undressed!’
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I was heading home through the park
when I saw some suspicious stranger following me. I decided I’d better
ignore him — it was not late, and my home was not far away. I was in the
elevator and doors were closing when that stranger from the park rushed
in. He made some swift manipulations with the panel buttons, and the elevator
started up without stops. Then he took out a knife and commanded, ‘Get
undressed!’ I was so scared that I couldn’t move. The only thing I could
was to scream — and I screamed. He put his knife to my throat — and I kept
screaming. I simply couldn’t stop it. And it worked out. Neighbours heard
my screams and stopped the elevator. As soon as doors opened, the bastard
fled.
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***
M.M. The most typical case. And the girl did her best
to scream. Unfortunately, most women, when panicked to death, are unable
to do so. They are stunned and stand paralyzed by fear, even those of them
who has attended self-defence training programs for years. Then they blame
themselves though what happened was none of their fault. Remember: in such
cases, the best is to scream!
Footsteps behind
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Once I was on my way home from work.
It was evening, and I got off the bus, and all passengers went one way,
and I had to go the other way, and a single young man went in the same
direction. At first I was not suspicious. Then I began feeling uncomfortable,
because his footsteps from behind were closer and closer. I could stand
it no longer and ran. I knew I could make it, because my house was close
enough. And he ran after me. I had almost reached my gate when he was up
on me, and I was so scared that I squatted and shrieked. He was so surprised
of him catching air and of my shriek, and he was afraid someone might hear,
so he ran off all at once. And father, he heard me shrieking and he popped
out the gate asking, ‘What’s up?’ ‘Nope, papa,’ I said, ‘Stumbled and fell.
But ‘‘tis all right now.’
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***
M.M. The case is an excellent illustration of how you
should behave in a situation like that. We must always listen to our self-preservation
instinct. The girl acted to it, and it turned out that the danger was not
at all a fruit of her fantasy. Too often we ignore our inner voice and
prefer reasoning. ‘Okay, someone is behind. It must be a mere chance. He
simply goes the same way. And it’s not dark yet.’ A woman thinks that if
she started running or screaming, she might look ridiculous or hurt an
innocent man behind. We’d better trust our inner feelings than suspicious
persons behind. Believe me, if the man following you really does so by
mere coincidence, your running and screaming won’t hurt him, not to the
extent you will be hurt in case he turns out to be a rapist, after all.
‘You must be God-blessed’
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Once I went to my country house. I had
to cross a large grove to get to the village. So, I was on my way through
it and I carried two large bags with me. Then I felt that someone was following
me. I sensed his eyes on my back. I stopped abruptly, turned around and
handed him my bags, saying, ‘You must be God-sent. I was so afraid of being
here all alone. Could you, please, help me carry these bags.’ He was so
surprised that he carried my bags all the way to my porch. And, God, he
was repulsing: dirty, stinky... Obvious tramp. I was all scared, but never
showed it. And we were on the porch, it suddenly struck me how miserable
he must feel. And I invited him in, and served him some food, and offered
him a bed in the annex for the night. He measured me up and down with his
heavy eyes and muttered, ‘You’re must be God-blessed...’ And in the morning
he was gone before I woke.
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***
M.M. Cordial attitude sometimes may prove useful. Described
is a rare case when it worked to its best. The woman has met someone really
lonely; in fact, all that man needed was some friendly conversation, and
not to satisfy his flesh. And she intuitively guessed what he needed. Among
rapists, we sometime find queer exemplars who believe that violent rape
is the best way to make friends. They would first rape you and then talk
with you for hours tete-a-tete in aspiration to win your love. Anyway,
they are sure that you must understand and forgive them. That was the type
described by that woman.
Q. But he could turn out to be of aggressive type, of those who
rage if they see that their victim is reluctant to subdue, couldn’t he?
M.M. You speak of sadistic type rapists. They don’t need
sex, but rather to demonstrate their power over victims. And the more resistance
they have to overcome to gain such power, the more satisfied they are.
In such cases, violence may take on the most perverted forms to further
humiliate and suppress the victim. With sadistic rapists, friendly conversation
is useless and sometimes may result in surges of cruelty. But all the examples
discussed describe cases when an offender and his victim have never seen
each other before.
However, the larger category includes cases when rapists are victim’s
acquaintances, friends, fiances, and even brothers and husbands. And these
are, maybe, the most dramatic incidents, because a woman just can’t believe
that it can happen until it is too late.
And then it started...
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It was in Rostov.A friend of mine had
invited me to some country house for a barbecue party. I knew most of other
invited — they were militia officers, so how could I suspect anything?
Barbecue was polished with vodka as usual, though I and my friend reserved
from it. And then it started: boys were leaving one by one, then returning
in somewhat — uh — inadequate state.
Later it turned out that they had confiscated a lot of grass from
some addicts. So they decided to make good use of the lot. And so it went:
vodka — joint — vodka... No wonder their roofs leaked... Then the most
handsome one (and him I saw for the first time) lead me inside and started
making, you know, rather uncivilized proposals...
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My first and natural reaction was, ‘F— off!’ Somehow, it didn’t
help. The guy, there was something mad in his eyes, he started to wring
my wrists and pulled me to the bed...
Then I saw that someone was closing window-shutters from outside,
and I realized that they were going to use me— all of them! So I twisted
from under him, picked some bladder from the table and began to shout:
’Stay off! Or I kill myself!’
While he was thinking what to do, I escaped from the hut and out
into the street. But some of them in the yard started after me. I was there
for the first time and the village was empty and alien in the dark of night!
But somehow I managed to get out in the open and fell into the grass: I
was exhausted. And the pursuer, he went in circles searching for me and
cursing! He failed to find me and left. All my money were back there in
the village. What could I do? Fortunately, I found some bill in my pocket.
Then I crossed the field (it was difficult as I had high-heel shoes on
me; in fact, I don’t understand how I could escape them in this shoes)
and stopped the first car. I honestly explained that I had just escaped
a bunch of stoned rapists (the driver was a cute man in his forties) and
that my friend was still there in that country house. Together we made
it out that we’d better summon some help. We drove to the city and then
returned with volunteers. There was nobody there. Only the dying fire smelling
of grass... My friend called me next morning and told me everything. They
were no fools after all. Since I was gone and could report on them, they
immediately threw all the grass into the fire and took off. And my friend,
she chose the least evil and agreed to sleep with one of them under the
condition that they two would leave the company immediately...
***
M.M. This girl must be very smart: she tried all the
possible methods to evade the risk of being raped. Otherwise, how could
she avoid trouble with so many agitated males around? So she chose the
right strategy: removed them one by one employing variety of tricks, from
traditional to incredible ones.
Q. And what about the second girl? Was she right when she stayed
after her friend had left? And her consent to sleep with one of them to
avoid group rape...
M.M. Of course, she was right, too. If you can’t avoid
violence, you have to care for your life and health. Men intoxicated with
alcohol and drugs might have caused fatal damage to her health. So her
behavior was reasonable and self-preserving.
Q. And if a woman gets raped after all, what must she do?
M.M. First of all, she must not hide her feelings inside.
She might want to discuss it with someone who is close to her, though this
option is sometimes unavailable. Then she might want to dial our confidence
line number and receive free consultation of a psychologist. This service
is anonymous. And we never evaluate victims’ behavior, never tell them
if they have done something wrong, never torture them with useless advice.
All we do is listen to them and help them understand what is going on inside
them after the thing has happened. And then, using an unique individual
approach, together with the client we develop some recommended approach
to her psychological problems, so she could help herself and recover as
soon as possible.
You can picture your feelings and fears. It may be either images or
abstract forms, lines, colors. Pictures help systematize disjointed thoughts
and feelings. You can write a letter addressed to yourself or to the one
who raped you. Just to spit out your hate and fear. You don’t have to mail
it or you may want to. You can write a book. Sometimes it helps. The principle
is: you must not be afraid of what you feel. Your emotions shall help you
overcome your pain. If you feel like bursting in tears — burst in tears
and feel better! If you want to please yourself — please yourself. Let
all your inner desires come true. Help yourself.
And the last. We answer many calls: girls and women of all ages ask
us how they can avoid being raped. And many of them live crippled lives
just because of their fear of being raped! Then our major concern is to
find out where this fear comes from. And on the most part it comes from
personal experience similar to cases we have just discussed: violent rape
attempts. In other cases, the fear evolves as the result of defective upbringing
when parents scare little girls to death telling them day after day about
perils of her future womanhood associated with constant sexual threats
to her life. 98% of women experience constant fear, and recent criminal
upsurge has only aggravated the situation. As for me, I believe that making
women live in permanent fear is one of men’s tools to make them controllable.