What differs us from the generation of our mothers? Does a contemporary
woman live in conflict or in harmony with her own nature? Answers to these
questions try to present Yelena Russkaya, Irina Gavrilova and Karine Gulazizova.
Yelena and Irina work in a public relation agency "Mikhailov and Co",
Karine is an independant consultant. Our interlocutresses have very interesting
and different professions. This fact determines their opinion in many respects.
We hope, you won't remain indifferent about the topic of our discussion,
and we shall be able to continue our discussion in the next issues, publishing
your points of view.
Image-makers say: There is a great difference between a woman before
1990 and a woman after 1990. In 1990 a social type of woman as well as
fashion have shifted. Fashion - fashion for a frock or a type of feminine
beauty is social. It has two sources: tradition and a social order. If
there is a social order for a woman identical to a man, fashion is determined
by it and chosen according to it: huge shoulders by no means conforms with
womanhood. There appears an asexual image of a woman: a tank-woman, capable
to remove any obstacles and to make career for herself, for her husband
and her child.
An image can't be good or bad, up to date or out of date. In the beginning
I worked with wives of the first persons of the state, then they were members
of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet. I remember, they payed a compliment
to each other saying: "Oh, darling, you are beautiful as the Supreme
Soviet!" And really as the Supreme Soviet: dull, official, a massive
bosom pushed forward as if it were a flag on the building of the Supreme
Soviet, a badge of a deputy of the tenth convocation instead of a brocch
on the breast, facial expression as of a spinster, she speaks with her
jaws clenched, her hairdo is overpolished with too much hair-spray upon
it, so they could not turn their head and turn their trunk instead. Such
type of a woman was required by that epoch. One can't forget their voices
- as hard as iron, a voice of the "Iron Lady", as if it were
uttering a curse upon you, it annoys you, this voice which permitted of
no reply.
Today the social role of a woman conforms to her natural role. And
what does it mean - a natural role? Woman-mother, home-keeper, kind, tender,
smiling, all-forgiving. A woman is no "tank" anymore, she has
thrown off the mask of the she-wolf, she used to put on to freighten children
in a kindergarten, to freighten due to her own unprotectedness. Under this
mask she hid her timid, unprotected, very uncertain essense. Her whole
stout, corpulent appearence of a fatty screamed about her unsatisfied mental
demands and fears. And once upon a time, suddenly this appearence changed.
It was a woman touched by five-year plans before, and now she goes to the
job as if she were going to the club. It's of no importance where she works,
but she would be well-dressed, she would make up her face going out there.
Her make-up also has changed: aggressive, too showy make up changed to
another type underlying her natural beauty. Now make-up is a relief.
Woman even laughs differently now. Before she used to shout with laughter,
when she could not help laughing, at other moments she just smiled with
restraint. Today she is not afraid to give express to her feelings any
more, she gives a natural, free laugh. She is not afraid to give express
to her thoughts anymore, now she speaks freely, naturally. Woman is not
afraid of her own essense any more!
Women's friendship has also changed. Before their friendship was based
on heart-to-heart talk about three things: children, males and cloths.
Now her requirements towards friendship are equal to those she sets for
herself. Now women's friendship is based on their equal essence. Now they
are anxious for the society, that is why clubs came into existence. A woman
can't help speaking about her feelings. She needs to speak to those who
are able to appreciate her. A different scenario of friendship also arose:
"I am a genius, you are a genius, we both are genii."
A woman has no complaints to make anymore. Instead she began to put
questions. She reserves her right to be weak, to be misunderstood. She
does not consider her tears something shameful. This is a basis of the
strenghth and womanhood of her nature.
One or other type exists 70-90 years. And time after time the mankind
reverts to the same. After us a woman who would smoke would be needed again,
our offsprings would demand again an emancipated woman. But today is an
era of the Aquarius and Aquarius is the feminine sign bringing feminine
standards.
A man generates ideas. It's his main value. But if there are too many
ideas in the world, it gets out of breath. Here is a professor delivering
a lecture: stratosphere, atmoshere, noosphere... A student asks a question:
"Professor, and where is the sky?" That's a woman's question!
Today the world, nature and a woman cry: "Where is the sky? Behind
all of these very good things invented? It's all right, they have been
invented, but now we should use them, all these ideas, but at first we
should spiritualize and comprehend them."
The sky is spiritualization of all around us and it belongs to a woman,
because it is related to figurativeness and not to a force. About the sky,
by the way. There should be not less than 13-30% women in politycs. Otherwise
a state would run according to the masculine standards. And the masculine
type of solving problems, patriotism, for instance, usually are reduced
to nationalism, direct opposition and war. From the other hand a feminine
way of solving problems lies through the revival of traditions and the
soil.
We have outlived the period of the matryarchy, we have outlived the
period of patryarchy, we have outlived the period of equality and have
come to the period of life according to nature. Our women get satisfied
that they are women, and what is the most important, now they want to change
the world to the better. That is a very womanlike desire.
IRINA GAVRILOVA,
a psychotherapeutist, a specialist of body-oriented therapeutics
I consider any pathologic process as a manifestation of any conflict
displaced from the consciousness. For example, many gynaecological diseases
are caused by displaced problems of a woman. In this case even a very good
treatment does not guarantee a good result because a source of a disease
remains.
Now we see the growth of the aesthetics of external forms. We are carried
away by the external, but the externals do not always correspond to the
internal content. Speaking about content I mean first of all health. Our
mothers' generation could not easily choose the externals, but nevertheless
it was more healthier. The problems of fibromas, mastopathys related to
hypertrophied femininity were common for the generation of our mothers.
A need to express their feminine features they could not vent to, bursted
out through their phisiology, through a symptom.
Nowadays women got more freedom and opportunities to express their
feminine qualities. A sexy woman making her career is needed in the contemporary
society. However the more successfully socialization of a woman goes on,
the more sharp is the conflict between biologic and social within her.
This conflict arises because in the process of socialization a woman is
forced to surpress her natural features or on the contrary to develop what
is not natural for her. For example, a woman who has chosen independence
and career, sometimes deliberately resorts to protective cynicism, when
she do not want to look weak, is afraid to put herself to emotional dependence
or is eager to avoid it. Sometimes she really protects herself. But afterwards
she against her will gets swayed by her cynicism. It impoverishes her emotional
sphere, compels a woman to be afraid of a real feeling, to avoid it.
A conflict between biological and social has one more reason, namely,
a woman being a success in her social achievements is not be able any more
to perform a certain role in her family. This inner conflict, this surpression
of the natural qualities can not help leaving a trace in her health.
The generation of contemporary women is susceptible to inflammatory
diseases and not only of the genito-urinal system. Inflammational diseases
is a manifestation, is a cry. The more acute is the inflammation, the more
acute is the situation. In general inflammation is a type of the body responce
to inability of a human beeing to solve a problem as it is.
Inflammation might be chronic as well, without pronounced symptoms.
If you see, you are putting on weight, if you feel depression, apathy,
it might be symptoms of a chronic inflammation. As well as some problems
with your skin, for example a growth of papillomas. The same inflammational
diseases, continious sluggish from the point of view of gynecology, might
manifest themselves as redistribution of fat in the body, its accumulation
in the hips and thighs. Owing to susceptibility to inflammation diseases
their reproductive function suffers, and I doubt I would make a mistake
considering that in future woman's creativity in social realization as
a form of compensation will inevitably increase.
KARINE GULAZIZOVA,
an analitic psychologist
I thought a lot about changes going on in a woman simultaniously with
changes going on in the society. Today women are to make their conscious
choice between mind and feelings. I make stress on the word "conscious"
because before this choice also was present but this fact was denied both
by socium and by a woman herself. During decades we were encouraged to
develop the only part of it, I mean, mind-ratio. We were to think always
and to think in a proper way (we were explained how to do this). But feelings
remained infantile. Women who did not supress their feelings were considered
by socium as silly hysterical women, worthless in any respect.
The previous stereotypes are alive and encourage women to act as before,
using the old methods of manipulation, to look like "a clever one".
It is especially common for women of the senior generation. They have grown
up in the integral social model and have more steady psyche, than the generation
of twenty. And though they also are "under pressure" (as all
of us living in the end of the century, when innumerous problems are getting
more and more complicated, particularly those living in Russia, when the
situation is alwais extreme), many of them manage to make their lives a
success within a rational model and even succeed in their career. The society
forgive it to them.
It is more difficult for young women. Again and again they are to solve
the conflict between mind and feelings. If a woman would choose a career,
a new question arises before her: "And what about the family?",
owing to the traditional opposition of caree and a happy family life. Our
people think in this way: if a woman is a success as a wife, she's a fool.
And if she succeeds in her career, she's obviously unhappy. If she doesn't
seem to be unhappy, so she lies she's OK. And if she were really OK, her
husband is an impotent. It's bad too!
I think, this opposition is an invented social myth and nothing more
and have nothing to do with a real life. From my point of view the idea
that the former is a substitute for the latter, is wrong. Both are different
manifestations of human being realization, different parts of a human being
capable to be reconciled, they might be friends, not enemies. But up to
now the myth is alive, and we remain to be its hostages. I have not met
a woman who has managed to reconcile all the acting parts of this conflict.
But I meet a lot of women, who are eager to do it and have such a demand.
And it is something.
Often I meet another situation in my practice. Promotion of a woman
happens to be a result of a latent desire to attract a man who would love
her, to become worthy of his love. At the same time she demonstrates such
a self-sufficiency that you can't get near her. Such a woman is very vulnerable,
because as a matter of fact she plays a wrong role and become a competitor
of a man. I don't advise women to do something extraordinary, unnatural
for them. They should act according their own nature, to listen to their
rhythm, their own breath and understand what is her own and what is not,
what helps her and what disturbs. Then we won't be ashamed of our womanhood,
and the word "woman" won't assotiate with slavery and inferiority.
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